Do you ever think about how you deserve so much more out of this life and how nothing ever changes?
Until recently, I didn’t know any other way to live but in victimhood mentality. I have been blaming the whole world for not having my life happen the way I wanted to. There was always something or someone I would blame for not having the reality I thought I deserved – the country I was living in, the system, my upbringing, money, time, etc.
I could confidently say the most felt emotion in my life was anger. I knew I had a lot of it build up inside of me, but I only came to understand the magnitude of it when I started releasing beliefs and behavioural patterns that no longer served me.
I was at the point where I was myself more than ever before, I finally started making some real changes and actions towards building the life I truly wish to have, so it came as a surprise when I saw I still have so much anger inside of me. I started asking myself questions to find out what’s the root of it all.
Everything led to one thing – I’m living inauthentically. I’m not being myself. The life that I’m living is not my own. The thoughts I’m thinking are not my own, they are the narratives from others I took as mine. The fears I’m feeling are also not my own. They are imprinted into my mind by society. Everybody worries about this and that, you hear it thousand times throughout your life, and you slowly start taking them as your own. You tell yourself, ‘well if everybody else is worrying about it, then there must be some real threat involved’.
The thoughts you think the most become your life
I started analysing those thoughts that were always in the back of my head. I gave my full attention and awareness to those fears.
And I realized, none of them are mine!
My authentic voice was saying how nothing has power over me. No matter what life throws at me, even if some of those biggest fears manifest, I will find a way out. My intuition will always tell me the next step I should take.
I’m not worried about taking a risk, investing in a life that I feel is according to my values, and ending up broke, because I know I will make more money. I’m not worried about people judging me, thinking I’m a poor decision maker, and attributing me with a lower status because those are not my values.
The fear around failure, change, being different, being judged, being unaccepted by society – they are not mine. It’s what I’ve been seeing people around me experience and accepted as my own truth.
I lived like this for years. Everything I thought and did was based on what I saw others were doing. Over time, the anger inside of me became impossible to bear. I had all these dreams and visions about the life I wanted, but the narratives inside of my mind prevented me from making a change.
I was fearing the unknown that comes with change. I was fearing failure.
Nothing was changing because I didn’t do anything differently. I was just hoping for a different life, then blamed the world when things stayed the same.
I saw the pattern and it became clear that my life will look the same in 10 or 20 years. The outside circumstances might be a little bit different, but the lack of authenticity, my feelings, my desires, and my needs will still be the same.
Because I need freedom. I need purpose. I need to express myself. I need to create.
And I knew, it will never come to me unless I open myself up for it. I can’t receive it if I’m feeling I don’t deserve it, if I’m feeling more fear than excitement when I imagine having it.
The comfort I’m having by blaming the world and staying safely hidden inside these four walls, will one day result in the most uncomfortable life. A life that’s not mine.
The discomfort that comes with writing vulnerably on a blog, walking up to strangers to take their pictures, not being taken seriously by people in my life, being judged as irresponsible and lost, will one day end up with having the life I intentionally created. A life I chose based on what feels the most like me.
So, I started making changes. Not so much on the outside, as inside. I started saying to myself I deserve it all. I am worthy of good things happening to me. I can achieve everything I wish for. I deserve to have more than what others said I could. I am the creator of my life and I choose what it will be made of.
I’m not waiting for others to approve me and give me what I need. I approve of my needs and desires and I’m manifesting them all into my life.
Every day we decide if we are going to own the power we have over our lives or give it away to others. Most people opt for the latter. I certainly have, for a long time.
The thing is, it’s always our decision. No matter what we choose, it’s always up to us.
Even though it was the society that made me think I should play small, give in to my insecurities, and think I don’t deserve a better life, in the end, I was the one who accepted everything.
So, if that’s the case, why wait for somebody else to tell us what we can or can’t, deserve or don’t deserve? If it’s all up to us anyway, why don’t we decide that from this point onwards we’ll never settle for anything less than what we truly wish and desire?
We don’t need somebody else’s permission to start living our life the way we truly want to. We just have to start showing up for our dreams, feel as they have already manifested, and over time they truly will.
There is nobody else that can tell me I’m a photographer, or writer, or entrepreneur, or anything else. Even if I decide to wait for somebody else to approve me, it’s still actually me who does the approving. It’s just that I decided the condition under which I’ll feel like one is when another person says, ‘you are a good photographer’.
Which means we can also decide how that condition will be – whenever we want it to be.
Ultimately, we are always the ones who decide what we deserve or not. Is it when a globally famous photographer says you have amazing photos, or when your parents, partner, or friends say you should follow your passion? Or it could be whenever we decide. In a year, in a week, or this second. We can decide that from this moment forward we will start showing up as who we wish to be, start doing at least a little something every day that will support us in changing our mindset and building a life on our own terms.
Some of the things that help me maintain, or get back to, the positive and empowering mindset are:
- Free flow journaling where I just release all the thoughts I have and when I see them on the screen or paper, it becomes very easy to recognize which ones are truly mine, and which are from others
- Reaching out to people who live a life like the one I want to create, asking them for tips on what to focus on to help me create it
- Making sure my environment is made of inspirational people who support me in achieving my dreams – this also applies to who I follow on social media
- Listening to inspirational videos/podcasts few times throughout the day (because my mind tends to easily switch to old patterns of thinking, and I need to redirect it more often than I like to admit to myself)
- Spending time in nature. Just observing the way life in nature exist. Such an easy and effective way to reset your mind.
It’s all on us. It always has been and always will be.
Life happens to you when you decide it will.
p.s. Below is the video I love to watch in the morning to get my mindset on the right track for the day. Hope it will help you too : )