I want to do something different. Something that looked so silly to me for so long, and what I wouldn’t have allowed myself to approach this way before.
I want to write a personal reminder and sort of an appreciation post as well, to all those quiet moments we get for ourselves only.
When we allow ourselves to sit down, tune into our inner self, just observe and express ourselves.
I’m sure all my fellow introverts and creatives will relate to this, but I honestly feel like I’m giving myself the most nutritious thing I can, when I sit down in the morning, make myself a cup of coffee, open up my laptop and start creating. It’s like entering another world. It may seem like it’s less real, and more like a work of fiction, but to me it feels equally important, if not more.
My busy mind gets me way too often to the state of looking for the things I don’t have and focusing on some far-away goal of mine which I think will bring me peace. When I manage to zoom out and see what’s really going on, then ask myself a question what truly brings me peace, what do I want out of this life, and how do I want my day-to-day life to look – the answer always comes down to filling up my days with lots of quiet time spent sipping coffee and creating.
It’s something that feeds me on a level no food or anything similar can ever reach.
In those moments, I am so effortlessly present. Because it’s ultimately my highest goal. It’s my definition of freedom. Expressing my soul, releasing my creativity, and living my purpose.
I know it sounds like a cliché, but this is my purpose. For so long I refused to admit this to myself. Because that hurt side of me that has been told forever that it wasn’t good enough just couldn’t get over itself and take responsibility for my feelings, needs and desires, and take control over what I believe and focus on.
That hurt part of me would go around making fun of it all. Like where the fuck do you see the purpose in sitting on your balcony, sipping coffee, being so self-centred to think somebody would find my thoughts and feelings interesting, let alone useful in some way.
But for fucks sake!
Self-centred isn’t wanting to express your creative life force and enjoy this life.
Instead, being self-centred is quite the opposite – thinking your creations are not good enough, focusing on what will others think of you, will they make fun of you, think of you as less good than them, and not allowing yourself to create and express all that you are.
You are not here just for yourself.
You are here for everyone that will see inspiration, guidance, or enjoyment in what you offer.
That’s not going to be everyone, which is okay. Because other people will be that for them. In the same way you don’t see inspiration, guidance, and enjoyment in every single person you meet in person or online.
We think we need to create or do the stuff that has never been seen before, that’s one of a kind, that’s so ground-breaking or whatever.
How on earth does each one of us expect of ourselves to create something revolutionary on a planet with 8 billion people? And each one of us wants to be the special one, the chosen one who will be forever remembered for doing something nobody else has ever done before.
I did that for way too long. I still do. But I’m building this muscle of reminding myself that I’ve decided I’m not buying it anymore.
Because in the end, what brings me the most joy are those simple and most ordinary moments spent sipping coffee while writing. Taking photos of what I love, as average and far-away from ground-breaking they may be. Blogging about my ordinary life and feelings. Then sharing it all with the world.
And what I find the most inspiring in other people’s work are also ordinary life and small moments, vulnerability and openness.
I want more of the ordinary. Of those quiet and peaceful moments where I’m embraced by creativity, and I don’t resist it.
Only then do I accept myself fully.
And only then am I free.
Clarity like this loves to abandon me. So I write this for myself. As a reminder of the state I’m in, of feeling so joyful, present, and abundant. Of feeling so blessed for all of my ordinariness.
What brings you joy, a feeling of purpose, and freedom?
p.s. I’m uploading few of the pics from this ordinary but the most magical morning. Taken with phone, not edited even a bit. I’m truly breaking all the rules, am I not? 😀