Moments Of Lucidity

Are we striving under pressure?

I consider myself to be a person that works best in a calm and easy-going environment, free of any pressure. But I noticed a huge difference between my productivity levels on the days when I have to leave for work and have only 2 or 3 hours for myself in the morning, compared to the ones when I have a full day ahead just for myself.

It’s on those days when I know I have control over my whole day that I don’t choose wisely how to spend each moment of my time. I often indulge in some type of instant gratification. As the day goes by, I often find myself coming to a place where most of my creative energy got spent on those meaningless activities that bring no value to my life. Whereas on days I have to go to work, I wake up early, start with my desired routine, can easily stop myself from mindless scrolling, if I even let myself get to that place, and try to use my time in the best way – creating and expressing myself.

It’s the awareness of having a limited time for spending on that which I love the most that keeps me going. Knowing how unless I don’t do these things for myself in the morning, I probably won’t do them later in the day when my energy levels are depleted.

Makes me wonder, if the awareness of day passing by keeps me disciplined and aligned with my purpose and vision, is the answer to living a fulfilled life to create a similar perspective for my life in general? To be aware of the big picture and how easily our time here can pass by without us taking any actual steps towards the things we truly desire and need.

Is that what’s keeping us stuck in our past, in our old ways of coping that prevent us from living the way we desire? Not seeing how fragile our time here really is, taking it for granted, and settling for way less than what our souls are aching for?

In moments of lucidity, I catch myself observing my life and feeling so detached from the way I usually see it. Then, I feel like I’m a centuries-old person who looks at this little child running around trying desperately to cross out the things from a never-ending to-do list and stressing out about it, not realizing the playground beneath its feet, and the potential for fun and games it has.

Where are we running so fast? What are we so desperate to achieve?

Success? So that we can finally rest and live peacefully?

And just what does being successful mean?

Spending most of our energy doing the tasks we have zero passion about, in the environment that robs us of positive energy and instead feeds us with negativity and toxicity? Every single day, with almost no control over our time? Till the end of our life? All to get money?

Of course, we need to sustain ourselves in this society, we need to do our share of chores and give our part of contribution. There should be a certain dose of compromise, at least to some extent and at certain times.

But aren’t we taking all of it way too seriously?

On second thought, we should be taking it seriously, but in a completely different way.

We are used to being attached to a certain vision we had, that when life offers us something different, we resist it so badly, and clutter our minds and bodies with negative emotions and a need to control everything. We poison our being with this kind of thinking and fail to see that it’s probably a redirection towards something better.

On the other hand, when it comes to all those beautiful desires we have for creating and expressing ourselves, the things we’ve been drawn to for ages, but never let ourselves even consider trying out, we label it as a child’s idealistic point of view – something not worthy and serious enough to pursue and dedicate our lives to.

How can we trust the universe to lead us when all we’ve been taught to is to follow and never question the ways of this system we’re living in?

When ‘secure and predictable’ are the two most valuable attributes in our society, how can we now shift to the path of Life, which is everything but predictable?

But let’s not throw away our obsessiveness with predictability just yet. Rather, let’s use it in another way. Let’s calculate what will our life look like if we continue walking on the path society paves for us. What kind of job will you be working, how will your days look like, what kind of people will you surround yourself with, where will you live, will you be the one managing your time or somebody else?

More importantly, how will you feel every morning when you wake up and know a day like that awaits you? How fulfilled will you be? Will you be able to speak about your life proudly to those that are coming after you? If given a chance, would you be willing to do it all over again, the same way?

Things that are more or less unimportant for our lives we take way too seriously, and use all of our energy to control it. What will others think of us, wasting our precious energy to earn money we spend on things we don’t really need, and similar stuff.

But those things that withhold an immense potential for full expression of our whole being, we put in a box of ‘get real with yourself’, and ‘maybe one day if I’m lucky enough’.

Stress became the most common ingredient in modern society. No matter what you made your life revolve around, stress is probably a part of it, in whichever quantity.

What if a certain dose of stress is beneficial for us, but not the one we created for ourselves. Rather, the awareness of how fragile this life really is, and how there isn’t any time to be wasted on stressing out about anything that’s not in the sphere of ‘am I following my heart’s desire’?

Sending love,

Julija

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