Living In Creative Doubt

It’s amazing to what extent are people concerned with what will others think of the stuff they create and do. I keep hearing that same thing from the creators and those who yet don’t dare to call themselves so.

I wonder if there ever comes a point in creators’ journey when they stop doubting their work.

Probably not. I think there’s always that certain fear of judgment and rejection when producing a work that’s vulnerable and an extension of ourselves. Maybe once you really refine your niche and people get to know you for that, fear fades away because you know the work itself is similar to what people liked before.

But whenever we produce something that’s not on the lines of what we did before, fear comes. And when you’re a new creator, when you still haven’t fully developed yourself in that sense, when you’re still experimenting with the type of work you’re creating and finding your own voice, almost everything that you create is new and different from what you have done before. So of course you’ll feel fear with each creation you do. And then we go on thinking how the problem lies in us, how there must be a reason we’re feeling that fear, because look at all those other artists creating confidently and never doubting themselves. Oh how we love to convince ourselves nobody has it as hard as us…

I don’t believe there is a place you can reach where you have no doubt about your work, but there is a place where you don’t pay that much attention to those thoughts and understand how it’s all in your head. You get to know how what’s way more important is the process of creating and sharing with the world. Expressing yourself and creating connections with people who resonate with our work. The exchange of energy in the form of manifesting and releasing, creating space for the new, and being nourished from the whole process itself.

The only way how to get to that place of seemingly no doubts is to take them by the hand, and still go on creating. And once you’ve done it for a certain period of time, you’ll see the pattern – all those fear-lead thoughts had no common ground with reality, because nothing bad happened. Actually, every time you shared your work you felt so much lighter and joyful. You would attract all those beautiful souls into your life. You’d get crazy amounts of positive energy and feel like nothing ever feeds you more than this.  

Oh we are silly little creatures for preventing ourselves from living in our magic with false stories we produce in our minds. We have so much intellectual and creative power that when we don’t use it for what we were meant to, it has to go somewhere, and the only path we left open is the one that turns right back against ourselves. And all those different narratives are born.  

Take a moment to see yourself from the eyes of another person. Imagine meeting yourself today from another person’s perspective. Do you see how freaking amazing, creative, imaginative, interesting, talented, unique you are? And now think of all those stories you keep telling yourself every day, how you’re not good enough, how you have nothing to offer, etc.

Aren’t we the best storytellers ever for being able to convince something so beautiful, creative, and powerful into thinking there’s nothing good about it, no value that can be shared with the world? So if you think you’re not creative enough, I’d say this proves the opposite.  

Everybody worries about themselves not being good enough in the eyes of another person, yet nobody really spends time thinking about anybody else but themselves.

Think about it. Observe your own thoughts. How much time do you spend judging other people in the same way you fear others judge you? Do you see the irony?

Yeah, you might see someone and think to yourself how silly they are. But the next second your mind is on something else, yourself probably.

Another important thing to note here is what’s that other person who’s judging you doing with their own life. I remember how much respect I began to have towards any creator of any kind once I started creating myself. After seeing how much deconditioning I had to go through, how many old stories I’ve been telling myself for years I had to let go, just to share the first photo on Instagram. After seeing how much time and energy you need to invest into something as simple as posting a photo on Ig, I started having such profound respect towards anyone who creates anything. No matter how silly it is, I knew there are layers of discomfort and effort they had to go through, and none of that is seen in the final product.

So when someone goes around saying your stuff or somebody else’s stuff is stupid, silly, has no value, or lacks technical skill, you should know how that person probably never tried to create something themselves. Because I think anybody who’s been through it and saw how much effort it requires would have at least as little respect as to not go around shaming people and calling bad names.

It’s those who don’t dare to do the uncomfortable work, but somewhere deep down feel how that’s all they ever want to do, that go around picking on people to justify themselves being stuck.

But there is no shame in that because we’ve all been there at some point in our lives. It takes tremendous work and strength to push past those limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in the same place. And it’s not that person’s fault. It’s the failure of the whole society. Blaming a single person is like pointing a finger towards a small symptom and completely ignoring the disease from which it originates.

Honestly, the more ‘amateurish’ someone’s work is, the more courage I see in them. Because it’s at the beginning of the journey that you need the most of it. Because you’re shifting from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’. In the beginning, everything you do is so much out of your comfort zone. And you are still at the place where not many, if anyone, recognize your value. You are basically on your own – the only one who believes in yourself. Couldn’t be further away from easy.

I’m always much more inspired by ‘newbies’ than with people who are pros. Because in everything they do you can sense how uncomfortable it was for them, how much courage they had to gather in order to share it, and how much they’re putting themselves out there. But that’s probably the result of me being at the start of my journey as well. : )

The more I talk to different people, the more I see how everybody hides away from their magic to some extent – doubting it, fearing the judgment they might get, chasing perfection. And at the same time, I realize more and more, how it’s exactly those things they are afraid to expose, that are the best about them.

You wouldn’t be so terribly drawn to a certain thing if you weren’t a match to it. You feel an incredible desire to create a certain thing, or live in a certain way, because you have the capacity to do so. It might require some refinement and work to be done around, but its essence is there, standing firmly on the ground, waiting to be nurtured and released.

You’ve spent years of your life convincing yourself you are not good enough for being a creator, artist, teacher, coach, whatever you’re drawn to. You found thousands of reasons to justify it.

Yet, despite all the time and energy both you and society have invested in convincing you how it’s not for you, you still feel incredibly drawn to it.

How is that not a sign good enough to make you realize it’s who you are and what you’ve always been meant to do?

Much love,  

Julija

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