I Heal And Grow Slowly, And That Is Perfectly Okay

It’s 5 o’clock on a Tuesday morning. I’m sitting on a balcony, fully wrapped up in blankets, and shaking from the cold. I’ve been sitting here since 2:30 am. I’d like to say it’s been wonderful to welcome the new day, but summers in Sweden blend days with nights and it gets hard to separate them. If there wasn’t for the clock, I’m not sure there’d be an end to my confusion. But I must say there is something incredibly attractive in having long, dark, winter nights, and almost never-ending days during the summertime. 

Life is so weird. And amazing. I’m thinking about the plethora of ups and downs in my entrepreneurial journey. But that’s just life, isn’t it? 

Opportunities do show up, but you have to be open to receiving them. I have spent the whole day yesterday, as well as this morning, thinking about having a hard time finding the right people, and then I went and opened my Instagram DM and saw some messages that made me feel the right people have just shown up.

The fact of spending my time focusing on that which I don’t have, while those same things have been waiting in my inbox and I just needed to be a little bit more patient, made me feel ungrateful and blind to all the magic that’s around me. 

We became so addicted to getting everything we imagine right here and now, that we sabotage ourselves in our own journey. We really are the number one obstacle to ourselves. 

As numerous times before, I come to the same conclusion – never stop to believe in things coming your way. No matter how many no’s you get, no matter how many brick walls you face, no matter any other circumstances you find yourself in. Leave the ’how I’m going to achieve it’ to somebody else. Leave it to the universe, life, God – however you want to call it. Your only task is to believe and feel the things you want as if they are already in front of you. 

Our obsession over ‘how’ takes up all the space in our life. By doing so, we create a wall around us that prevents us from receiving and letting life surprise us. 

Out of all the biggest and most amazing turnarounds in your life, how many of them were you able to predict? For how many of them you knew the ‘how’? And how many of them were something you would never have imagined happen to you, but in the end, it turned out to be so freaking amazing and much better than what you had imagined? 

I know, ‘don’t worry about the how’… so easy to say and so hard to embody when faced with uncertainty. We feel so powerless so often. But it’s the opposite, isn’t it? All the power lies within us. The power to create whatever we want, from whatever’s in front of us at that time. We can’t control what happens to us and we were never meant to. But we can choose what we want to see in that which is in front of us. 

I know how hard this is to hear. When you’re hurting and struggle to see the good in things around you and find it so hard to believe in good things being possible, hearing words like this makes you want to snap the neck of the person whose mouth they came out. 

But then there are moments like this, when something like those DMs happen, when you finally see the results of your work in front of you, and the feelings that become a part of you in those moments are truly magical. 

My eyes opened up and suddenly everything around me was so freaking beautiful. Everything around me, and more importantly – everything within me –  I could see as something that serves me to get to the place I so much crave to be. I felt as light as ever and so incredibly grounded. Head in the clouds but feet rooted deeply in the ground. 

This teaches me to continue walking forward with a strong vision in my heart and mind, and eventually, the results will be in my hands.

Life has a silly sense of humor. Dry, and even dark in some ways. You can get all you want, but only once you’re truly content with having what you have right now. You can get all the opportunities in the world, but once you’re ready to let go and risk what you already have. You can heal the pain that’s tearing you apart, once you embrace it as something beautiful and nurturing. 

We are such complicated beings but all the solutions to our deepest pains lie in the simplest things. Everything comes down to being present, grateful, mindful, and surrendering to the flow of life. But to put that into practice is another thing. Being patient, loving, gentle, understanding, and letting go of obsessive control are the keys. 

Fuck it’s so easy to speak like that right now but then the next time I hit the ceiling, it won’t be so pleasant in my mind. 

I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, right? It takes time. Reprogramming your mind to think different thoughts, releasing the emotions that have been stuck in your body for years, developing new habits that support your needs, none of that happens overnight. And it will probably be a work in progress till the end of our lives. 

Hearing this helps a lot. There isn’t a way you’re ‘supposed’ to be. There is only where you are now and where you want to go. We often think things are not the way they are supposed to be and there is a place we have to reach where finally we’ll be spared of all those challenges. 

But is there such a place? And what could it possibly be? Death, maybe? 

A lot of the things that happened to us throughout our lives are not even nearly a match to our human potential. But I guess that’s just where we are right now, collectively.  Maybe one day people will be as evolved as to raise their children in incredibly supportive and empowering environments. And those kids will grow up into the potential we can only dream of achieving in this lifetime. 

But isn’t that incredible! To know that we are a stepping stone in that beautiful story? And how it’s precisely because of our work, pain, and effort that those who come after us will have an opportunity to rise much more and create environments that are all we’ve ever dreamed of, and much more? 

It makes me so joyful to think this way. It shines a new light on all those things we label as ‘issues’. They are really more like our blessings. 

I am blessed to be able to work on these things. I am blessed to be able to work on and heal some of these traumas that have been passed on me through my ancestral line. 

How freaking attractive can our traumas suddenly become?

It’s okay to need to remind yourself on a daily basis that things will fall into their place. 

Heck, how come we’ve fucked ourselves up so much that we think having to remind ourselves of being patient and believing in good things coming our way is regarded as something of being less, being defective, wrong, and even shameful? 

Isn’t that the whole idea of growth and mastery, to be able to remind yourself as often as possible of your truth and principles of living, and practice it, day by day, hour by hour, moment to moment?

Well, this means only one thing. I am the master of selecting the thoughts I enjoy thinking. I am the master of regulating my emotions. I’m the master of shifting my focus on that which I want more of in my life. I’m the master of opening up to the abundance of opportunities in my life.

What are you the master of? 

With love,

Julija

Leave a Reply