I Choose To Live By My Personal Truth

How clear are we with what’s being in charge of our life? What’s the main factor behind the decisions we make? The force that runs our life? 

Way too easily, I lose clarity over my life. I get absorbed by my environment. I stop doing things that are aligned with the direction I want my life to unfold, and become a character in someone else’s story. 

My life suddenly gets run by thoughts and beliefs I never consciously chose. 

Fear becomes the predominant feeling. And it runs the show. 

Comfort, safety, and security suddenly take up the place of my top priorities. 

As if there is such a thing as comfort, safety, and security. 

It’s just that we assigned those characteristics to certain things in life, to a certain way of living. 

There are only things that at this moment feel more comfortable and secure, but in the long run, there is always a price you pay. There’s always some discomfort or consequence that will catch up on you. 

So what we should ask ourselves is, what price am I paying by welcoming this particular thing into my life?

I wonder, how do I allow myself to go into these mental spaces that are defined by the lack of clarity, which then leads to a lack of self-respect and self-love? 

How is it that we made it our default state, to think and treat ourselves so poorly? 

How did we allow others to impose their values and take them as our own? 

How did we get to the place where our personal truth falls so behind on our list of priorities? 

A place where being a part of the crowd equals sanity, no matter how insane the principles it’s being run by are.

Other people’s emotions overtake me so easily. I’m like a sticky fly strip for negative emotions and fears from people around me. It’s so easy to become a part of their lives, instead of creating my own. It’s so easy to think their values and priorities are my own. All it takes is to spend some time with them, and that’s it – I’m done. 

It’s as if there’s no barrier between me and them. 

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that lack of barrier is what makes me – me. It’s the price I have to pay in order to have my greatest powers: empathy, seeing others for what they truly are, seeing their greatest gifts, holding space, empowering, and guiding.

Maybe the only thing I should be focusing on is developing a habit of regular reset of my emotions and thoughts. Making sure I release all that I’ve ingested from the world outside of me so that I can once again feel and see my own truth. Recalibrating my direction in life. 

The reason why I’m having trouble resetting my emotional body regularly is that I can’t accept I’m so sensitive. I find it incredibly hard to accept I feel the world around me to the extent I do. 

Because we’ve been thought that’s a weakness. We’ve been taught you are the strongest if you never show any emotions, if you never let yourself break down, if you pretend you can walk unaffected by those you have near you. The worst of it all – we’ve been taught it’s actually possible to be emotionally immune to the world around you.

But what are we all doing here if not to connect with each other, feel each other, see each other for what we truly are, and exchange our stories, support and love? 

The only real way to actually toughen up is to accept how sensitive I am. To embrace it. To accept that every time I walk outside of my four walls, every time I open myself up to others, I’ll be full of their emotions, which can then fool me into thinking the beliefs those emotions produce are my own.

So what needs to follow is the discharge of all the energy I’ve collected. And then switching the mode back to my inner guidance system. My personal truth.

There isn’t anything wrong with me, or you, it’s just the way we affect each other. Some feel it less, others more. There is no right or wrong way.

We have physical hygiene, but maybe we should popularize emotional and energetic ones as well.

The only way to maintain clarity and make sure I’m living my own life and not someone else’s is to regularly ask myself are the decisions I’ve made recently a reflection of the vision for the life I chose and am being called to? Or am I doing things out of fear? 

I’ve been called irresponsible, lazy, and even crazy, for choosing to live differently – for choosing my own priorities and creating a life defined by them. 

But my question is – what is more responsible, hardworking, and sane, than making sure you live by your own truth?

That you live a meaningful life? Making sure you are happy with your choices and that you get the best out of your time here. Following the callings of your passions and finding your purpose. 

I am not irresponsible for choosing to see my value, for choosing to love myself. 

That’s probably the only responsibility each one of us has. The only responsibility towards ourselves. Because if I don’t do it, who will?  

Pleasing others,

Playing small,

Allowing others to mistreat me, 

Not believing in myself,

Speaking badly about myself,

Self-betrayal,

Being afraid of failure,

Fear of being new and inexperienced in something,

Fear of the unknown,

Chasing security and comfort,

Living in fear,

None of those things are me. None of them emerged from me. I allowed them to invade and temporarily overpower my own truth. 

But I can choose better. I was meant to do better. 

Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had all these emotions trying to redirect me back to the path I’m supposed to walk on.

Here’s to living the life we’re proud of.

Here’s to being governed by our personal truths, instead of fear.

Or if it has to be fear that runs things, let it be the fear of self-betrayal and unlived life.

With love,

Julija

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