Many people see me as an independent woman. Those who were there with me while growing up love to quote a single line I kept repeating from an early age: ‘I can do it myself’. Somehow, I got perceived as a person who makes her own decision, independent from those around me.
While that’s partially true, what I also discovered is that looking back on my life up until the last couple of years, I’m not sure if the number of those bigger decisions that I made independently can count up to the fingers of one hand. My internal sense of guidance was – and to a big portion, still is – attuned to the collective narrative. It’s only recently that I’ve truly grasped the depth of my conditioning and began to understand how the decisions I made so far, the life I led so far, have never been my own.
Early morning just before 6, on a cold Saturday morning. The world outside is quiet and my soul feels at rest. A cup of black coffee and some chill music in the background help me set up the mood and tune into my favorite morning ritual – releasing my thoughts on these virtual pages. Food for my soul.
There’s one word that preoccupies my mind a lot these days. Self-love. A word we hear on every corner and about which we all love to speak so confidently.
But I wonder, how many have ever truly felt what self-love is?
The noise this world creates knocks me to the ground way too often than I’d like to admit. It’s so easy to consume just one small thought that comes from the outside and create a momentum of negative thoughts that take you back to that path you’re trying to get off of.
A couple of days ago I reached my limit and decided to take a week-long fast from Instagram.
How clear are we with what’s being in charge of our life? What’s the main factor behind the decisions we make? The force that runs our life?
6 am and I’m sitting in my bed, sipping coffee. The desire to create feels almost overwhelming. Blank pages in front of me, but no words coming out.
It happens periodically that I experience these moments where I hit the wall with my creative output, but the need for it persists.
There’s this thing that preoccupies my mind often – the way we don’t allow ourselves to express all that we want to. I have shared my thoughts with some artists and they all confirmed similar feelings. I also noticed the same when observing the way other people show up online.
Having momentum is such a powerful thing. Way more important than the actual circumstances we find ourselves in.
It’s so incredibly hard to stay focused on that which I want more of in my life. It’s so hard to believe to have certain things in your life that are not yet materialized. It’s so hard to believe the things you want are coming your way and be patient.
4 am and my body is ecstatic with the thoughts of creating. It’s all I can think of ever since the new day began. Creating is the ultimate nourishment for my being.
So many times when my days were filled with heaviness and lethargy, when nothing seemed to help, I would focus a little bit of attention on creating something, and instantly, my state was transformed in ways that were unbelievable.
Lately, I felt stuck in this immense feeling of something being off. I got so caught up focusing on the business side of photography that I forgot why I started doing it in the first place.
How did I allow myself to forget what I love to do the most – experiencing magic when seeing and capturing the beauty of small, ordinary things that surround us on a daily basis?
Early morning just before 6 am. I’m listening to the sounds of the storm, wondering why I find it so soothing.
A force of nature that can easily make us forget our inner storms, usually self-imposed.
A wind whistling so strongly, but incredibly gently. Somehow bringing calmness through its chaos.
A tree bending under this force, and at the same time, stubbornly rooted into the deep grounds.
So many lessons to be found.
It’s 5 o’clock on a Tuesday morning. I’m sitting on a balcony, fully wrapped up in blankets, and shaking from the cold. I’ve been sitting here since 2:30 am. I’d like to say it’s been wonderful to welcome the new day, but summers in Sweden blend days with nights and it gets hard to separate them. If there wasn’t for the clock, I’m not sure there’d be an end to my confusion. But I must say there is something incredibly attractive in having long, dark, winter nights, and almost never-ending days during the summertime.
I want to do something different. Something that looked so silly to me for so long, and what I wouldn’t have allowed myself to approach this way before.
I want to write a personal reminder and sort of an appreciation post as well, to all those quiet moments we get for ourselves only.
When we allow ourselves to sit down, tune into our inner self, just observe and express ourselves.
Have you ever wondered what’s possible for you in this life?
I’m sure you thought of it in a limiting way, focusing mostly on that which you think you know is impossible for you, like most of us do.
If you’re anything like me, your environment has an incredible impact on you. Some people are more resistant to the outside influence, others less. Still, all of us are connected on some deeper level and can’t escape the influence of certain things around us.
I wonder how aware are we of the choices we make every day and the consequences that come with them.
Everything comes with a price, but are we capable of accepting something in its fullness, with all the gains and losses?
The heaviness of my mind was quite overwhelming for the last few days. The muddy space is created every time I don’t pay attention to my thoughts and let them roam freely.
Things are possible. Your dreams are attainable. The only thing standing between you and them is your belief.
Do you truly believe it’s possible? Do you give yourself enough time and space? Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe you are worthy of it?
Are you willing to make sacrifices? Are you willing to do the work?
I woke up with such a strong feeling of the need to speak openly about my late experiences in this corner of mine, whose number one purpose is precisely that – to be a place where I can let my expression roam freely. I’ve been feeling the need to share it for weeks, but always found a way to reason myself why I’ll regret it and to better just leave it unsaid.