I wonder how aware are we of the choices we make every day and the consequences that come with them.
Everything comes with a price, but are we capable of accepting something in its fullness, with all the gains and losses?
Every now and then, I catch myself having strongly negative emotions around some choice I made in the past. When things get tough, and those cons I had to reason myself are a worthy sacrifice outweigh the pros, I start to experience negative emotions around the whole thing. That wouldn’t be an issue, if at that moment I wasn’t ignorant of the fact that I decided to make that choice in the first place. I knew the stakes, yet when things went south, I acted as if I couldn’t see that coming.
It is so severe, our denial of the power we have over our lives.
It makes me wonder, if we are truly so powerful, why do we persistently keep repressing that part of ourselves?
Well, because it’s easier. It’s easier to choose to be the casualty of our circumstances, than to use them to our advantage and see what we can make out of it.
To be responsible, we need to be honest with ourselves. And you can’t just be honest with one aspect of yourself, and completely ignore others. Because the more truthful you are with yourself, the more you come to confront parts of yourself that are still deeply conditioned by society.
It’s never just one thing you have to work on. It’s always a set of many different aspects of your life you need to change and stay disciplined about, in order to create a change, and later sustain it. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
And this is one of the hardest things ever, to decide to throw away the identity you had your whole life. So of course, we then easily choose to overlook the truth, and continue to believe we have no power over our lives.
How did we even get to this place of chronic denial of responsibility we have over our own lives? Is it the culture that we live in, or better said system which kills all traces of individuality and promotes conformity as a standard?
Is it a result of years-long exposure to an environment where there’s only one recipe for navigating through life – make the same choices every day, then complain about things never changing, for the rest of your life?
Have we been so deeply programmed into doing the same thing, even when we are intellectually aware of all the drawbacks that come with it?
Or is it such an immense fear of uncertainty that we’d rather stay in the same place, no matter how detrimental it is for our whole being, than dare to see what’s on the other side of the existence, and possibly – live?
Yesterday I saw a quote that goes ‘circumstances don’t make a man; they only reveal him to himself.’
Having a moment of lucidity, being able to see myself and my life from a bigger picture, I’m facing a lot of shame. Have I really spent so many years of my life blaming the whole world for the way my life is, playing the victim, and not seeing how it was me who ultimately made all those choices?
We don’t have control over the things that happen to us. We can’t choose the family or country we are born into, we can’t make other people do the things we’d want them to do, we can’t control who we’ll fall in love with, how other people see us, or what’s going on with the world on the global scale.
But we do have that little something we love to overlook and roll our eyes at when we read it in the average Instagram quote post – we can control the way we see and react to things.
I’m writing this and I still have that voice inside of me bursting with anger and frustration, screaming ‘get a hold of yourself, it’s not so fucking easy, the world is a messed-up place and the solution doesn’t fit a single line quote’.
It’s not easy.
It never will be.
But it’s possible.
Nothing is easy. Continuing to have the same kind of life that gives you momentary comfort but doesn’t offer you a chance to explore your passions and purpose is not easy.
Ditching your old identity and creating a life based on your highest values, experiencing a lot of discomfort and uncertainty that comes with it is not easy.
It’s just about the price you are willing to pay. And everything has one.
Every now and then we see somewhere online those people who were raised in conditions that were much less than ours, who seemed to have the whole world turned up against them, yet they somehow managed to push through it and create a life that seemed impossible for them.
Isn’t that the proof that it’s not about what life gives to you, but what you decide to see in it and make out of it?
We are where we are because of the choices we made in the past. The sum of them all is the place we are at this moment.
The fact that life doesn’t go according to our plan doesn’t mean we were left without the option to make a choice. It’s just that those choices were a bit different than what we envisioned in the first place.
But maybe our goals, dreams, and purpose in this life are also much more different and greater than what we thought of in the first place?
You never know what you might get from life. That’s the most comforting and the scariest thought.
But it’s up to us to decide what we want to make out of it.
There is always a way.
And if it looks like there isn’t one, maybe life has prepared for us something even greater than what we thought we wanted or deserved.
Just keep taking steps towards the things you desire the most. Little steps. And it doesn’t matter if somewhere along the way you lose track. Remind yourself of your highest values and desires, and take another step that’s aligned with them.
Find people that share a similar path with you. Support each other. We all need it.
There is no shame in anything. Everything is a lesson.
Everything is an opportunity for growth and for getting closer to where you want to be.
Give love to yourself.
And believe in good things coming your way.